Men need to learn how to love and respect women

Pertaining to Ray Rice

You are a fool if you think women are weak.  Also, if you see those you love as weak and pathetic what does that say about you?

A friend asked me about Ray Rice and the elevator last night.  I therefore had to watch the video several times.  In tight confines, a left hook from me might have done the same thing and that was rather terrifying.  This friend asked me what I would have done and what else he could have done.  I was raised that a man does not lift a hand to a woman, so my views may be different than some (they should NOT BE!) but I said:

1) Hug her and hold her still

2) Take the blow, assuming she was actually going to strike him at all.  I am enough of a man/adult to take a slap or punch for someone I love.  Keep talking and tell her I love her.

3) Use a joint hold on her hand until she relents.

4) Block the strike and keep talking.

In other cases, I would walk away and wait.  Knocking someone I love unconscious would show my absolute failure as a man, heathen and human being.  Just being a tough guy is a rather pathetic measure of anyone.  We have to be far more than that.  I saw nothing in what that woman was doing that could have been construed as a great threat.  Are we that weak?

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4 responses to “Men need to learn how to love and respect women”

  1. Úlfdís Járnviðar says :

    I think ideas 3 and 4 are great. But I’m not sure about 1 and 2 – I can say that personally, if I’m upset enough for whatever reason to take a swing at someone, a hug from that person? Not good for anyone involved. In that situation, either i’m frightened, and bodily contact from the scary person would be a bad idea. It would not be very calming, even if I knew and loved said person. Maybe that’s just me, maybe not. But being scared or angry and having someone touch you like that, in a very intimate encompassing way, especially someone who is larger and stronger, is not always comforting, and can be terrifying at times. A joint lock at least isn’t something generally associated with intimacy, and allows for decent control over a person without invading too much personal space. One of the things i love about some of the locks we learn in aikido, like ikkyo, is that I can control a person, put them on the ground, and then keep them their by their arm.

    Regarding 2, its a nice gesture, but no one deserves to be hit without consent for any reason – just because you love someone, they shouldn’t hit you, and you shouldn’t be expected to take it for any reason if it is at all avoidable. Far better to block or deflect.

    • facingthefireswithin says :

      I still maintain that all of them are better than left hooking a physically less capable person into a wall and knocking them unconscious.

      I used a joint lock for a situation many years ago where a woman kept punching me because she thought it was funny. I could never hit back, probably even now, but I could do that until she backed off, saying it hurt. I responded: “So did you hitting me, every time.”

  2. Úlfdís Járnviðar says :

    I’m sorry that happened to you. I hate to say i’m glad she got hers, but I’m glad you were able to make it clear that she should stop in a way that she listened to. (I’ve noticed women can worse about that kind of nonsense; i had a friend who would regularly take a swipe at people with her flogger because she didn’t think dudes would hit her back. Then she tagged me, and I don’t have a problem hitting someone after they hit me and don’t stop.)

    Oh, clearly all of them are better than knocking someone out – I just feel like the best idea is to de-escalate a situation if it is in your power to do so, and that kind of closeness (ie, a full body ‘hug’) is problematic in terms of de-escalation. Its an option, but not idea. As a goddamn football player, whatever his name is was more than capable of de-escalating the situation.

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